@random6691: If you start with 17 teeth and lose 14, you have 3 left. It's basic meth.
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@drankturpentine: magician: can i get a volunteer from the audience me: *already sawing myself in half*
@HenpeckedHal: How can kids be so dumb and so brilliant at the same time? My son can't say "oatmeal," but he calls it "eatmeal" before I serve it and "atemeal" once he's done.
@Iffy_Penguin: resolutions: 1. use the word "plethora" more 2. learn at least four new bird calls - no, wait. learn a plethora of new bird calls.