To use Google efficiently, write like Tarzan. “good tacos boston”
If you take longer than 10 seconds at the hand dryer, I will wipe my hands on the back of your shirt.
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BRAIN: you need to let loose a little, have some fun
ME: rainbow colored goldfish crackers it is
Husband: “I read that divorce rates will increase because of pandemic.
Do you …
Me: “Yes, I want a divorce.”
Husband: …think it’s true.”
Seductively calls you out on your bullshit.
Just kidding, I don’t do anything seductively.
[Movie pitch in Hollywood]
A mythical creature who likes to dance moves to a small town where dancing’s illegal. We’ll call it BigfootLoose
I just saw a woman with a “Dog Mom” bumper sticker. And while the kid in the back seat wasn’t great looking, I still thought it was kinda harsh.
Twilight and Hostess are over. It’s a sad day for fat girls.
I had a race with a smart car today.
I was winning at first but my God there’s so much I can walk.
I don’t need feimsm i like my men to be REAL MEN! the worst day of my life was when i realised i had mistakenly married a big bag of oranges
My sixteen year old doesn’t know how to “work” a fold top sandwich bag.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled Friday night.