@VerbsRProudest: If you tell me my life would be SO much easier if I'd organize everything, I swear I will stab you with a fork. As soon as I find my fork.
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@_AlanGarner_: My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, And they're like "It wasn't that hard."
@ehdannyboy: I met a girl at a club last night and she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran 100m in 9.69 seconds.
@weinerdog4life: When one door closes another door opens, pretty sure my house is haunted, I sleep on the porch
@Emonalisha: If you piss me off in the grocery store I will get in line in front of you and pay for a single banana with a personal check