doctor: the results don’t look good
me: oh god, why?
doctor: *shaking head* the printer ran out of ink
If you tell me my life would be SO much easier if I’d organize everything, I swear I will stab you with a fork. As soon as I find my fork.
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My cat: I’M GOING TO GET THERE FIRST!!
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do…
15: *cleaning her glasses with the hem of her shirt* Ever wonder how nudists clean their glasses?
Me: No. *spends the rest of the night wondering how nudists clean their glasses*
Him: You need to work on your communication skills
Me: [through megaphone right up in his face] PLEASE BE MORE SPECIFIC
o: I want a tail
Yearly reminder: unless you’re over 60, you weren’t promised flying cars. You were promised an oppressive cyberpunk dystopia. Here you go.
Rededicate Christopher Columbus statues to the Chris Columbus who directed Mrs. Doubtfire
I saw my therapist’s notes and instead of using my name he just refers to me as “the combatant”
I think it’s fun that witches chose brooms to fly on, but if I were them, I’d fly on a rifle. This way when you land you have a rifle.