@Rae_volution

If you tell me you’re “a voracious reader”, I’m basically just picturing a dinosaur in my head

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@Shade510

Wow…Looks like I’ve added some muscle mass.

~me everytime the scale tells me
I’m getting fatter.

@seandunn76

I don’t think my accident resulted in a concussion and also I don’t think my accident resulted in a concussion.

@DothTheDoth

Dream home requirements: 1.) a secret passage behind a bookcase 2.) the thing that will kill me lives just beyond the tree line.

@JMFnSparks

If I ever have a son, I’m going to name him Sparta, that way I can introduce him as “This is SPARTA!!!”

@Papa_Mex

I kinda like zombies…but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk?…my apocolypse plans depend on it….thanks!

@ramenfuneral

I just swallowed a little hair color. I think I’m going to dye.

@warhorse76

If she runs away I will pursue her. But since she possesses superior footspeed and cardio I may have to borrow someone’s bicycle.

@mommajessiec

The thing that’s wrong with oatmeal raisin cookies is that they’re oatmeal raisin cookies.