Hey geese crossing the road, u can fly.
If you think the USA can shoot down nuclear missiles fired by North Korea just remember we couldn’t even have lights at the Super Bowl.
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Wife: Excuse me
Me: *Slams broom on floor* YOU SHALL NOT PASS
Me: That’s from lord of
My lasso of truth is just an eel I point aggressively at the people I’m questioning. We have a 100% success rate.
If a guy says he’ll take you to pound town, ask for details about the puppies. I’m not taking that trip unless there’re puppies.
Jane Austen is short for Jane Stonecoldsteve Austen.
Her: You ate that entire bag of fried cheese snacks?
Him: Thought you said they were baked.
Her: I said YOU were baked.
This password is taken
This password is taken too
I used to mix metaphors but that ship has flown.
My friend is a meteorologist so when he wants to hang out I tell him there’s a 100% chance I’ll be there and then I don’t show up.
Father’s Day Fun:
1) Walk up to a complete stranger at lunch with his family.
2) Hug him.
3) Tell him ‘Happy Father’s Day dad’!