@lloydrang: If you think the world is getting more unsafe, violent and unpredictable, the 13th century would like a word with you.
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@Tbone7219: I walk around my yard with a fake ankle monitor so my neighbors will not ask me to watch their kids
@iTomFoolery: We’ve had the selfie and now the selfie stick. So when will our phones be renamed Selfones.
@DairylandDon: Rather than crush the spider I started telling it about my fantasy football team and it peacefully left on its own.
@nyquills: [my first exorcism] Possesed girl: *contorting body like a spider owl hybrid * Me: weird flex but okay let's get started