*I see my life flash before my eyes
*it pauses to buffer
If you throw a ball of yarn on stage during a Broadway production of Cats, the actors are required to stop what they’re doing and chase after it.
You Might Also Like
They say New Zealand has a sheep population of over 60 million
How did they stay awake to figure THAT one out?
[hiding my girlfriends Christmas present behind my back] remember how you said we were out of milk
yums like Gaston
Eats iced plums like Gaston
Knows you saved them but craves them, succumbs like Gaston
DATE: Are you a dog person or a cat person?
DOG: Cat person, definitely.
If you tase an electrician, he only becomes more powerful.
I’m seducing you. Do you feel seduced? Tell me when you’re seduced, even if it’s just a little. Do you want some macaroni? Are you seduced?
*pats crying child on the back*
*child keeps crying*
“Did you not just hear when I said, ‘There, there’? Shut up, already”
HIM: Do you have any snacks?
ME: In my panty.
H: Lol, you misspelled “pantry.”
“YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER” – salt