@Pierre__4

If you truly want my undivided attention start to tell me something then say never mind

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@david8hughes

If you see a distressed woman in the mall screaming that she can’t find her baby, don’t offer to help her make another one.

@TheAlexNevil

*first day as a hair stylist

“STOP SCREAMING ABOUT THE BLOOD! THAT’S WHY WE PUT THE APRON ON YOU!”

@Social_Mime

My Mom gives me the weather report for a place 3,000 miles away just in case I’m planning a spontaneous road trip that day.

@bobsaget

On the toilet for 20 minutes. Wish you were here.

@withanewname

“How much for the mannequin in the clown outfit?”

“Sir, she came in with you!”