If you see a distressed woman in the mall screaming that she can’t find her baby, don’t offer to help her make another one.
If you truly want my undivided attention start to tell me something then say never mind
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*first day as a hair stylist
“STOP SCREAMING ABOUT THE BLOOD! THAT’S WHY WE PUT THE APRON ON YOU!”
Fun prank: a chameleon exhibit with no chameleon.
Optimus Prime’s mom walking in on him while he’s carjacking
My Mom gives me the weather report for a place 3,000 miles away just in case I’m planning a spontaneous road trip that day.
On the toilet for 20 minutes. Wish you were here.
“How much for the mannequin in the clown outfit?”
“Sir, she came in with you!”
A Nigerian prince needs my help #BadReasonsForALoan
Always a housemaid, never a house.