@Pierre__4
@david8hughes
If you see a distressed woman in the mall screaming that she can’t find her baby, don’t offer to help her make another one.
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@david8hughes
@TheAlexNevil
*first day as a hair stylist
“STOP SCREAMING ABOUT THE BLOOD! THAT’S WHY WE PUT THE APRON ON YOU!”
@CourtneyBale
Fun prank: a chameleon exhibit with no chameleon.
@ShortSleeveSuit
Optimus Prime’s mom walking in on him while he’s carjacking
@Social_Mime
My Mom gives me the weather report for a place 3,000 miles away just in case I’m planning a spontaneous road trip that day.
@bobsaget
On the toilet for 20 minutes. Wish you were here.
@funTweeters
@withanewname
“How much for the mannequin in the clown outfit?”
“Sir, she came in with you!”
@kittykaresless
A Nigerian prince needs my help #BadReasonsForALoan
@RainbowJohnJ
Always a housemaid, never a house.