Paris is suing Fox News for repeatedly insulting it. Also suing them for the same reason: your intelligence.
If you use the word “ridonkulous” or “ginormous,” chances are you’re a retardiot.
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I threw up my hands in disgust last night.
Knew I shouldn’t have eaten them.
*throws caution to the wind*
*blows right back into face*
Stephen Hawking says artificial intelligence could destroy the human race. Sorry Stephen, but my money’s on LACK of intelligence.
I’m like a kid. People like me best when I’m quiet or sleeping.
Me: I love my eyes
Shampoo: *cracks knuckles*
War vets with prosthetic limbs are running marathons and I’m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
LIFE HACK: If a person is drowning, you can save their life by putting them in a bag of rice
“Ive fallen ill with Coronavirus”
-everyone will think you don’t wash your hands
“I’ve been coronated”
-not as scary
-are you royalty?
-can I borrow your crown?
-you can’t probably marry a celebrity now
Cop: “Any idea why I pulled you over?”
Me: “you’ve got a fat guy fetish?”