@trevso_electric: If you wanna go and take a ride with me with three women in the floor with the goat cheese.
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@FrazzleMyGimp: [building on fire] ME: If we die here I just want you to know I’ve always liked you Gary CO-WORKER: I guess now is a good time to tell you I ate your lunch out of the fridge on Thursday ME: I knew it [stands up] STOP THE SIMULATION
@codyspencer0: Cereal box mascots give kids a dangerously positive view of animals who in the wild would literally kill them before they gave them cereal.
@JediGigi: Well, son, back in my day, we didn't have a fancy robot to turn the tv on for us. We only had a boomerang.