@CarpentersCrack: I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.

@JediGigi: Hell hath no fury like a woman being told she looks tired.

@ShellHasDragons: I would hunt for my own food, but I don't think Mac and cheese roam in packs.

@twayne1010: People who tweet in riddles need to know I'm not Batman.

@dubstep4dads: [on my deathbed] me: a....ah..... wife: what is it!! what are you trying to say? me: ah...... alexa...... play despacito