Judge: your word is cartograph
Me: can you use it in a sentence?
Judge: the world cartograph has seven seas
if you want a really scary story I once dated a man who, anytime I said an interesting fact about something, would sincerely and genuinely respond with “wait , did I tell you that?”
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I’m finally putting that giant exercise ball to use, and my core is hurting from laughing at Toddler Dodgeball.
I just saw a woman with a tremendous amount of make up and I was really tempted to use my finger and write “wash me” on her face
“Good evening, I will be your waiter for tonight. What would you like to Instagram?” – how waiters should greet people
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, “Who murdered this guy with a pipe?”
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
There’s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
We’d like to sincerely apologize for booking the Karate Convention on the same day as the Rare Wooden Boards Fair
This Venn guy was sure bad at drawing circles next to each other
doctor: what is it?
me: *pulling down pants* is this normal?
doctor: not in the middle of the street it isn’t