“Friends” ended 10 years ago today, but thanks to television, “me having friends” ended long before that.
If you want to interrogate someone, do it in German
You could say “I love you and brought you flowers” and I’d shit myself!
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Growing a beard comes from laziness. If you ladies think that’s sexy I have some laundry on my bedroom floor that’ll turn you on.
My cat just started kneading my back in bed and I said “not now” so wish us luck we’re officially married.
*Walks into brothel*
One chicken soup to go please
I feel like movies exaggerate men’s enthusiasm for having meaningful conversations while playing pool.
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how inlove you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
Before marriage: Kisses
After marriage: Hisses
An obese old man who breaks into your house at night? A tiny flying woman who buys your dead teeth? It’s a wonder children can sleep at all.
Think about it – every single corpse on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person.
Stay lazy my friends.