This is the saddest product I have ever seen in my life.
If you wear oversized sweats to the grocery store, and an attractive man smiles at you, is it a flirty smile or a pity smile?
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Cannibals don’t drink coffee.
They have a cup of Joe instead.
[moving her panties to the side]
HEY MAA, I’M MAKING ROOM FOR MY LEGOS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR DRAWER.
“911, please help im dying”
Good cop: help is on the way
Bad cop: just suck it up and be a man
Dad cop: hi dying, im dad
I’m not saying he ate the candy canes off the bottom of the Christmas tree I’m just saying my dog’s breath was minty fresh this morning.
A zombie jumped out at me, in a haunted house, but he didn’t scare me. He did, however, catch my elbow in his face.
Call me a burglar, except all I take is things personally.
A computer game where you go back in time with a gun to kill Adam; it’s a first person shooter.
why would someone leave a hollowed out pumpkin on their front porch if they didnt want me living in it
Pineapple is simply evil. Think about it:
• step on it, it stabs you
• eat too much, it’ll shred your tongue
• put it on pizza and before you know it you’ll find yourself in the psych ward
It’s definitely an unforgiving fruit and I will accept no argument on this.