@dshack8: At this point in my life if I drop something and can't pick it up with my foot or via one of my kids, it's staying on the floor.

@Marlebean: Passwords: Outlook- work1234 Aol- kidsnames home alarm- anniversary Twitter- supercalifragilist{middlename}espialido{graduationyear}cious

@TweetPotato314: clerk: looks like you got big plans for the new year me: yeah *filling my cart with fireworks* imma fight the sky

@palokin: Still trying to figure out how to compliment a woman's skin without sounding like I want to wear it

@TheMichaelRock: My 8yo knows exactly how many hours are left until Christmas but can't remember to flush the toilet.