@vikkaroni: If you wondered if I was on the naughty list this year, I should probably tell you that the best gift I got was a packing peanut.
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@rickolantern: Kids have so many food allergies these days. In 15 years you'll be able to rob a bank with a bag of peanuts.
@coketruck76: I was in a band called Click Bait. You won't believe the kind of music we recorded. Track number 5 will blow your mind.
@Parkerlawyer: Mother’s Day is like the Purge for moms. We can literally do whatever we want for 24 hours.