If your entire outfit can be purchased at a gas station it’s not appropriate for court.

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The quickest way to get a creationist to shut up is threatening to throw them off the edge of the earth.


Well, she was raised to refer to dinner as ‘supper’ so obviously it wasn’t going to work out in the end.


if i die from eating a tide pod, please bury me in the traditional fashion:

warm/cold water

15 mins extra soak

permanent press cottons


Dear White People,

Stop making videos of yourselves singing songs from ‘Frozen’!


Happy Dhanteras. If you buy gold today, you’ll become rich tomorrow. Except for gold merchants. Who sell gold & become rich today only.


Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka should qualify just fine.


Me: I can’t get the taste of sour balls out of my mouth
Friend: I love those candies
Me: Candies?


my dog when its nice out: *jumps in pond, rolls in dirt, eats goose poo*

when raining: MADAM how DARE u take me into these AWFUL conditions


Text is the perfect way of saying I have some information I need to give you but I in no way shape or form want to hear your voice


I’m disappointed to see that a lot of women are using “period tracker apps” now, instead of the shared Google spreadsheet I set up.