If your husband didn’t just take down an old shower curtain, wear it as a cape, then run around yelling “I am Captain Mildew!” then you are not me.

You Might Also Like


Me: “There are so many exotic sounding flavours these days. I just can’t resist-”



I’m beginning to think that Judas Priest might not be a Christian rock band.


“I got in a fight at Michaels over glitter glue once, so you should probably step aside.”

-Me, to a guy buying the last of my favorite wine


Ashley Madison website is having problems. But instead of addressing them directly, it’ll just look for a younger hotter website on the side


What I hated the most in Facebook?
See more


*bumpes into my ex on the street

*dials a number

Hello, Satan? Dude I thought we had an agreement?!


When the cops are at your door have on a cape, carry a wand, and tell them you’re a magician when they ask how your boyfriend disappeared.


I plucked my first gray hair today. The lady it came from got so mad you guys.