The rush I get from completing a crossword puzzle leads me to believe that trying hard drugs would destroy my life within hours.
If your idea of an “Epic” deal is $5 off then we may have different interpretations of that word, Pottery Barn.
You Might Also Like
Today on Facebook:
1) Jen feels betrayed but doesn’t want to talk about it
2) Kim started a prayer circle
3) Lori posted 87 recipes
I got 99 problems and they’re all friend requests from people I didn’t like in high school.
Him, referring to my Spanx: Don’t you want to take those off first?
Me: It took me 3 hrs to get these on. This is my skin now.
RUNNER: this is called “carbo-loading. we eat lots of heavy food
ME: that’s great. love it
RUNNER: then we go for a nice long run
god: these are humans
angel: how do they work
god: [rubbing temples] not…not well…
I probably should’ve said, “Congrats on your 4th child!” instead of “Halfway there, OctoMom”.
Kid: I just wanted to see you.
Once, I had a dream so bad I threw away the pillow.
The next time I hang out with people who start making out in front of me, I’m going to start flossing my teeth in front of them.