@ImaFlyontheWall: If your nervous tick is pointing to the sky then might i suggest not going to auctions anymore.
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@SatansTongue: *at church* "Does anyone have anything else for the offering basket?" Ｉ ＯＦＦＥＲ ＭＹ ＦＩＲＳＴ ＢＯＲＮ ＣＨＩＬＤ "Jim no"
@stephenjmolloy: [First date] Sarah: I'm a twin. Me: Do you know what each other are thinking? *meanwhile across town* Sue: Sarah's date isn't going well.
@jferg1616: Best Buy: What's your street name? Me: FUNK MASTER FERG bia bia! Best Buy: No, the name of your street.
@JJSummertime: If I had 3 wishes I'd spend them on my daughter. Happiness, success and her very own little shithead who refuses to replace the TP roll.