Been married six months and I can’t even remember the last time I felt lucky on Google.
if your newborn baby has a full head of hair that means it is a business baby and is ready to enter the world of finance
You Might Also Like
My girlfriend is like my bike.
Some black guy stole her from me too.
I never cry over spilt milk.
But, beer? That shit’s totally different.
My 4 year old asked me if tears were made of pee and when I told him “no” he asked why they taste like pee. I have so many questions.
[my first police chase]
me: *into walkie talkie* I’m trailing the perp on foot, Chads Gym on Broadway
suspect: *looks over shoulder* only one person per treadmill
me: *into walkie talkie* sorry Keith i lost him
I should do laundry naked so all my clothes could be clean at the same time.
“Just so you know, you’re coming home with me tonight.” I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
ME: Whats the name of that thing that holds beer and keeps it chilled?
ME: *lights cigarette and runs my fingers through my hair* What’s the name of that thing that holds beer and keeps it chilled, babe?
Get a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, “I don’t know. I don’t speak Chinese.” Wait for people to ask what your tattoo means.
Se7en is a great movie even if you haven’t seen o1e, 2wo, thr3e, 4our, 5ive or 6ix.