@wolfpupy: if your newborn baby has a full head of hair that means it is a business baby and is ready to enter the world of finance
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@girlnarly: scientist: this machine erases your bad memories instantly. any volunteers? me: i’ll give it a go scientist: but you were just here yesterday me: i’ve made some bad life choices since then
@squirrel74wkgn: There’s really no good explanation when a friend sees a ruler sitting on the end table next to your bed.
@theshamingofjay: No thanks resolutions, if I wanted to be reminded of everything I didn't follow through on at the end of the year, I'd get married again.