@markleggett: If your rice accidentally gets wet, you can dry it out overnight by placing it in a bowl of cellphones.
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@SveldtSmelt: Talking to women is a lot like origami. I don't know where to start and I always end up screaming.
@thedad: Dr: how’s your diet? Me: I’ve been eating a lot of good fats like you said Dr: ice cream isn’t good fats Me: are you kidding me ice cream is amazing
@E_lok44: The world is so overpopulated, it's getting so a girl can't even find a nice, quiet place to yank out her wedgie.