@CalmTomb: If you're a bicyclist, probably the best thing that can happen is you put your arm out to signal a turn and a falcon perches on your wrist.
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@kelkulus: Somewhere a guitarist sets down his instrument, pours gas on it, & lights it ablaze while Miley Cyrus naked on a wrecking ball shoots to #1.
@bingowings14: [My first day as a detective] Me: It's one way glass he can't see you. Just point at the killer. Witness: All I can see is our reflection. Me: Ah, ok. Everybody swap rooms.
@panmidwest: ME: *hugging my therapy dog* i love you so much THERAPY DOG: same time next week and i’ll make a note to continue our boundaries discussion
@joejwest: PILOT: Welcome to flying school. Any questions? ME: Is it possible to crash into a rainbow? PILOT: Yes it's how most of you will die. Next?