@hansabumsadaisy
#RubbishJokes
Two horses in a field.One says: I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.
The other says: Moo!
@scrueggs
If you’re currently suffering from paranoia I want you to know that you’re not alone.
You’re never alone.
Ever.
You Might Also Like
@hansabumsadaisy
@Aspersioncast
Annoy your wife by saying “wow” every time a chick gets out of the limo on The Bachelor.
@RummyLauded
I can ignore you so hard you will begin to doubt your own existence.
@mack44_d
I keep a list of all the people who get on my nerves so I know who’s getting the glittery Christmas cards.
@3sunzzz
6yo: What is a solar eclipse?
Me: Have you ever been outside in the dark?
6yo: yeah
Me: same idea
@Arrogant_Twat
My doctor told me to start killing people.
Well not in those exact words. He said I need to reduce the stress in my life.Same thing.
@ColIegeStudent
“You had all of thanksgiving to do your homework…”
@CrockettForReal
Dog: can i eat this?
Me: no i was just-
Dog: [swallowing] thanks
@roxiqt
One time, a dude messaged me to ask what I was wearing & I had just put in my mouthguard to go to bed… so I said “mouthguard” & he asked for pics. So I sent him a photo of my mouthguard & he blocked me.