Foot: don’t ask me I’m a foot
If you’re feeling a little too good about yourself let your child take a pic of you laying on the couch. Tada! You are now Jaba the Hut.
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“See you on the other side…”
~Me every time I’m at a gate with someone
I’m a Lit major. I did my thesis on why my car is in the front yard and I’m sleeping with my clothes on.
Me:I need to focus on work
Brain: Remember that sweet song on the radio this morning?
Me:Yeah that was sweet
Brain: Let’s sing that instead
Festive Fact: Women who put on weight over the festive period are 98% more likely to live longer than their partners who point it out.
Prank caller: Is your refrigerator running?
Me: Of course. Can’t have these bodies at room temperature
If I was named Edward Normus, I’d use my first name’s initial and my last name as much as I possibly could.
[family game night]
Me: do u understand now, grandma? U understand the rules now?
Mum [tappin my shoulder]: she gets it. Loosen the headlock
me: i wish baguette was pronounced like spaghetti