@gorrdano: If you're going to attack me in an @, you better be prepared to give me like three hours or so to think of a good comeback.
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@bytaylorcox: If everyone drove their cars as carefully as they scrolled through their exes Instagram photos the world would be a better place to live.
@JustDontBugMe: [First Date] M: Hi! Him: Hi, I'm Chandler, I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable. M: Oh really? *winks* H: You look beautiful today.
@DanMentos: [first date] *pointing indiscriminately* "uh-oh looks like we're on the Kiss Cam" there's no- *leans in* there's no Kiss Cam at Applebees