Just when you think you’re getting a real break from socializing, someone organizes a drive by honking parade.
If you’re going to give someone a piece of your mind, make sure you can spare it.
You Might Also Like
wife: would you like a glass of water?
me: a glass of what?
me: try again. a glass of what?
wife: *sighing* fine… would you like a glass of clear earth soup?
I think the scariest part about having triplets is having to be pregnant for 27 months.
INVISIBLE MAN: Am I cured doc?
DR: Your tests are all clear
IM: Is that good?
DR: [talking to wrong empty chair] I’m not sure
Me: I have to lose weight.
Me: I’m gonna exercise everyday.
Me: I’m gonna go on a diet, eat healthy and hit the gym.
Me: Is that cake?
A pop up blocker for coworkers who send you an email and immediately show up at your desk to ask if you got their email.
If I was a marriage counselor, I’d just make the couple log on to any dating app for 2 min.
Imagine a baby named Edith. Exactly, you can’t because everyone named Edith quietly emerged from the woods at age 78 knitting an incredibly complicated afghan.
“My hand’s stuck in a blender!”
“Turn it on then.”
” I can’t hear it, turn it on so I know you’re not lying.”
sighs “always the predator, never the prey…”