If you’re searching for a woman who’s sweet and funny and has her life together then look no further because that one at the table behind me seems like she does.

You Might Also Like


My son forgot he needed a new spiral notebook for today & is annoyed I don’t have one like, sorry our house didn’t magically turn into a Staples last night.


pretty cool how no matter what’s going on in the world, a teenager in a Metallica shirt will always look the same no matter what year it is.


I be having a mini heart attack when I almost send a screenshot to the person I screenshoted


Me: I need to see a supervisor

Hat Shop Employee: Excellent choice, Ma’am


I hope Hell freezes over soon. A few women have promised me dates when it happens.


Me: [totally dry monotone voice] I’m gonna get my mojo back

Mojo: still no



DOG SHERIFF: Drop the gun, Scruffy. Be a good boy!

SCRUFFY: I know a little secret *lifts gun* All dogs go to Heaven.


Biden: I wonder if I’ll still get free ice cream when I’m no longer VP

Obama: Joe, we have bigger problems.



Her: You’re perfect as you are, don’t ever change a thing.


Her: Er, that didn’t include your underwear…