*buys premium quality kitten food. Serves it in high quality vet recommended cat bowl.*
Cat: Is that dirt on the floor? Nom nom nom!
If you’re thinking of getting a hairless cat, go the extra mile and get a catless cat.
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I love to run. Around the house. Chasing my toddler. Because she took my iced coffee.
My latest missile blew up on the launch pad.
But it exploded so fast Americav couldn’t tell what type it was.
I’m not telling.
Dear makers of Axe 3-in-1 shampoo, conditioner & body wash, I have no desire to buy your crap. I’m holding out until it’s also a car wax.
My phone: 58%.
My husband’s phone: 7%.
Me: Honey, I need your charger.
CAVEMAN: I got a Masters in History
CAVEMAN 2: Nice! How long did that take?
CAVEMAN: Nearly half an hour
Hey, remember that person you thought you couldn’t live without? Well look at you, living and shit.
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70’s when Grease came out to notice that every “student” at Rydell High looked like they were 35
I’m trying to eliminate negativity from my life so Monday’s will now be Taco Tuesday eve until further notice
I will probably never be the tallest person in the room, but I will certainly be the highest