@JohnLyonTweets: Me at dinner on a first date: I'm not answering any more questions without a lawyer.

@Inferno_V: "Don't put your brother in the fridge" is something I never thought I'd say, yet here I am.

@ItalianBratikus: When I get calls from unknown numbers I panic, decline and then wait for the voicemail like I'm about to be murdered.

@llvvzz: I wish I would have listened to my grandma when she told me one day I'd regret not focusing harder on my hitman career.

@bigmacher: "Enjoying your day off?" - what Jewish people say to each other on Christmas.