@elonjames: "...and I would've won if it weren't for you meddling minorities, women, gays, young people..." - Mitt Romney #ScoobyDooVillain

@_NTFG_: Sit down and let me tell you a story. Once Upon A Time......last night......I had a few drinks and......borrowed your credit card.

@Cheeseboy22: A child will either brush their teeth for 3 seconds or for 15 minutes.

@Brentweets: America is 5 wars away from receiving a free one.

@SteveMartinToGo: This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.