Him: Didn’t you buy that apple pie yesterday?
Me: Yeah, so?
Him: There’s one small piece left.
Me: And if you touch it, I’ll stab you.
I’ll be like “I know a spot” and dig you a grave.
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heres my To Do List – become the new kfc colonel, mess with texas, invent a new animal just to piss off scientists
I saw an image of the Virgin Mary on a pumpkin!
It squashed all of my doubts…
And, reinforced my faith in Gourd.
Someone want to tell my kids that the color of the bowl has NO EFFECT ON THE FLAVOR OF THE FOOD!!
You’d better czechoslovakia before you wreckyoslovakia.
If we can’t hit our kids, what’s next? A society slowly becoming less violent as we learn more about child development and human psychology?
My 9yo son just gave me a hug and told me thank you for not naming him Dick.
Let me make something perfectly clear.
– Anyone who has washed a window
Doing word problems as a kid as helped me in adulthood. “Dan doesn’t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?”