I’ll buy the magic mushrooms, fireballs and flying raccoons but a Princess dating an Italian plumber?

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A cropped version of my wind turbines cartoon seems to be doing the rounds. It’s by me, if you see it.


Who called it laughing gas and not comical weapon?


If you’re renting, and your landlord has a no pets policy, you can keep bats as long as you pretend to be mad about it.


No, they’re not called hedge funds because hedgehogs control the global economy. What a silly idea. 🙂

*later to thugs* They know too much.


Stop staring at my chest! Geez dude, it’s like you’ve never seen toilet paper before!


My parents do this fun thing when they show up for dinner at 6 in the morning.


[on the playground]

mom: go play with that little boy honey, he’s got a race car

3-year-old shania twain: mommy that don’t impwessa me much


My 18yo daughter doesn’t think I’m funny, so I’m going to show her bf that tap dancing video she did in second grade to ‘ice ice baby’


Kids: Dad why have you never taken us swimming

[thinking of an excuse because I can’t swim]

Me: I got killed by a shark once


Doctor: “Well, Mrs Jones, you are eating for two now!”

Kate: “I’m pregnant?!”

Doctor: “No. You have a tapeworm.”