@Freudianscript: I'll never be accused of talking behind someone's back, because that would involve talking to people.
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@squirrel74wkgn: [dinner w/friends] "How long you two been married?" It's been thirt- (wife shaking head) teenish twenty- (still shaking) for a long time.
@AndrewNadeau0: ME: I’m sorry, I’m just really bad with names. HIM: Hey, don’t worry about it. Do you want to check your wallet? It’ll be on your driver’s license.
@naughty_aditi: Me: I'm gonna lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise every day. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?