He died doing what he loved, surprising tigers.
I’ll never forget what my grandfather told me before he died. He said “Never forget what I’m about to tell you” then some story about corn.
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What do you mean “yogurt flavored”?! Yogurt is the stuff we have to add flavor to.
“I hate you but I love you. I miss you but you make me sick. You’re wonderful but get away from me” -My love letter to carbs
My Canadian 4yo just told me he wants to be Captain America if anyone wants to take a traitor off my hands.
[Cowardly Lion starts texting his ex]
WIZARD OF OZ: Ok wow, I gave you WAY too much courage.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
I missed two of my mom’s calls, so I assume the helicopter that just flew over my house is part of the search crew she called.
So apparently not every chubby guy with a mustache is named Mario. My bad, dad.
*tries to take off date’s bra*
If you would take off the hulk gloves this would be easier
who else gets a little disappointed when the emergency broadcast test isn’t an actual emergency? it’s like, hurry up already aliens