@LuvPug

I’m 14 shows into the 1st season of ‘Lost’ & there are SO many mysteries.
I sure hope someone finds out where Sawyer plugs in his flat iron

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@TheCatWhisprer

Rachel Ray now makes cat food with real beef just like the cows my cat would eat in the wild.

@figgled

Small children who dress as Batman must be forced to fight crime. To teach them a lesson, about lying

@Tommytoughstuff

[Date]
“I’m going to use the restroom *leans over table* and I counted my onion rings, there’s six.”

@NickBossRoss

Prof asked if anyone liked comic books. I raised my hand. She didnt add anything or say why it mattered. Just wanted to isolate me socially.

@TheDairylandDon

Where do avocados come from? Uh, well, when a crocodile loves a pear very much…

@ryaninco

According to my cholesterol level I’m a pizza.

@rhysjamesy

My mum has asked for ‘bath stuff’ for Christmas so I’ve bought her a toaster.

@DavidKrap

Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together, Hermione went alone and got attacked by a troll.

@ShortSleeveSuit

ME: argh the salty air be getting to me head just hand over the treasure ya scurvy knave

LONG JOHN SILVERS CASHIER: *rolls eyes* *gives me my change*

@FeverFlave

If you balance your medication correctly you can blank out an entire morning meeting.