I’m a Brit, you’re Canadian. Please don’t thank me for thanking you, I’ll only feel compelled to thank you back and before you know it we’ll have been at it all night.

You Might Also Like


Rock-a-bye-baby is my favorite nursery rhyme about the tragic consequences of putting babies in trees.


I would watch a reality show that’s nothing but goth kids trying not to smile while riding on a jet ski.


Just saw a girl wearing a “BAD GAL” t-shirt so I yelled “NO!” & smacked her on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.


me at 18: im gonna move to new york and go on so many dates

me at 26: if i put my phone in a ziploc bag i can go on twitter in the shower


Being a diabetic has proved to be difficult. For example, I can’t have a sugar daddy.


ME: I’m ok. I’m ok. It’s just cramp.

GYM INSTRUCTOR: Ok, tie your other lace and lets do this.


When brands use cool words like “bae” on social media, I drive straight to their nearest location with all my money, ready to buy products.


Me: You know what cures a headache right?
Wife: Tylenol
Me: You know what else cures a headache?
Wife: Advil
Me: You know what else ……