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@Freudianscript: *I'm a gift to mankind.*
Mankind- I'd like to exchange this please.
@wendchymes: Just caught a glimpse of myself naked -
Apologies in advance to my coroner
@tylerschmall: *walks into Babies R Us*
Hi I'd like to buy a baby.
"Sir we don't-"
*I slide him a 100 dollar bill*
"This way please."
@SteveKoehler22: Pro tip : If you get a dog,
name him “Five Miles”
Then you can brag that you
walk Five Miles every day.
@FakeDeanAccount: Q: If you could be any animal, which one would you be?
A: The drummer from the Muppets, next question.
@djdarrellripley: Ugh! You. Are. A. Terrible. Kisser.
If your looking for my tonsils, I had them taken out when I was 8...