“I’m a hoarse whisperer…”

– Batman

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I get why she built the pillow wall in our bed…but the barbed wire seemed a bit extreme.


Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a “judgment free” zone…unless we’re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.


[getting brutally stabbed] hey wait, you have an eyelash *gently removes it* make a wish


[inventing the turtle] put the worst dinosaur in an army helmet


I play Nickelback real loud all day so crickets can listen to something annoying when they try to sleep


Either I just saw a bat in the garden or the mice are using hand-gliders to avoid our cat.


[2 dogs eating dinner]
“u know Sharon, that life insurance policy u found me is great”
[stops chewing]
“why does this taste like chocolate”


Any leftover cabbage can and will be shredded and mixed with mayo

– Cole’s Law


Me: *showing the priest a gif of a dog chasing his tail* Haha it’s like he never stops

Priest: Ok but I said “Bring the GIFTS to the alter”


Go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby. He’d be so freaked out that a baby is trying to murder him, you’ll have the element of surprise.