@Not_James_Vogel: I'm a human alarm clock so when I wake up this early for no reason, I punch myself in the face to turn myself off.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DadBits: Our 8-yr-old son announced that he is moving in with the family down the street because they have a PlayStation. My wife: “What about us? We’re your family, and we love you.” Son, enthusiastically: “We can be neighbors.”
@MandyUncle: If there's one thing I've learnt in life it's to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Why should we hire you for our research team?" Me: "I went to the second page on a Google search once."