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@NinsunG: I'm a pediatrician.
Oh, so you're into feet?
Isn't that illegal?
@iamspacegirl: Dog *just lookin at me*
Me: go lay down
Cat *kneading her claws into my stomach*
Me *wincing*: thank you
Cat: damn right thank you
@SirEviscerate: *ex-Olive Garden server shoveling dirt into a fresh grave*
Tell me when.
@thejodiest: I want an app that tells me when someone is thinking about me while having sex with someone else.
@leechee420: You can be anyone you want on twitter, so I'm a little surprised so many guys chose "creepy weird dude."
@internetluke: "No, no. No! NO!" - guy who invented black ski masks after people started using them for robbing