We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@NinsunG: I'm a pediatrician.
Oh, so you're into feet?
Isn't that illegal?
@SortaBad: tonight at the bar, ask a woman if you can buy her a drink. If she says yes, hand that lucky lady a Starbucks gift card and walk away
@CamusOverEasy: The Blue Tooth in your ear tells me you are expecting an important call.
At 8:00 AM.
In the snack food aisle.
@TheCiscoKidder: I have no problem feeding my kid something that fell on the floor, so I get it, restaurant employees.
@MomesTheWord: I talk to my librarian like he's my drug dealer.
"You don't have it yet? I need something now; what've you got? But it has to be POWERFUL!"
@caperbc75: *nervously adjusts fedora in Starbucks lineup
I'll have uh, um, a mediu- I mean vanti, uh, mochacachito?
Patrons: HE'S A FRAUD! GET HIM!!!