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@NinsunG: I'm a pediatrician.
Oh, so you're into feet?
Isn't that illegal?
@superdadatron: Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don't know where I am.
@Cheeseboy22: Pretty upsetting that gummy worms are actual size but gummy bears are not.
@leftarmisme: My house isn't messy.
@lucyjamesgames: Video game dad jokes are the best dad jokes
@KellieMounce: Worst part of my old job was drug screenings. Had to tell a guy he was pregnant. Lesson: don't use your girlfriend's urine for testing.