@meganamram

I’m a real gym rat (i go there at night and eat their garbage)

You Might Also Like

@squirrel74wkgn

My wife’s fish net stockings are so tight that my legs look like wafer cookies when I take them off.

@Alohababe2011

My ex sexually identifies with Ramen noodles, he’s done in 3 minutes

@vanluvz1

I love the gym this time of year.
The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.

@SladeBlue

Forget waterboarding… I’m ready to tell this damn popcorn kernel stuck in my tooth everything it wants to know.

@Gupton68

The wife surprised me on my birthday by coming to see me at work, so I surprised her too by having Brenda from Accounts sitting on my lap when she arrived.

@DamonHunzeker

If you’re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.

@ClichedOut

me: meet my invisible gf

friend: u don’t have to settle for that

me: ok but she’s–

friend: i was talking to her