HISTORIAN: So the important thing to remember is Ted Bundy was a horrific serial killer.
PRODUCER: Right. Also incredibly hot.
HISTORIAN: Really, just, try to focus on how he was a homicidal monster.
PRODUCER: Yeah, total smoke show, we’re on the same page.
I’m a really great friend – provided you don’t have any other friends to compare me with and never listen to my advice.
You Might Also Like
Shout out to my Dad who has accidentally listed 600 seals and 180 of their pups for sale on Facebook.
*rocking back and forth, trying to gather enough momentum to get out of a chair* WHO ARE YOU CALLING FAT?
Me: “Facebook or Twitter?”
Me: “Have a nice life.”
are they bowling to represent soup??? or to win soup???
Dodgeball in gym class…
because life wasn’t already hard enough when I was 12.
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: “None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare.”
robber: alright everybody hit the floor!
me, wearing applebottom jeans and the boots with the fur: my time has come
Maybe newborn babies cry because reincarnation is real and they’re like “not this shit again”
Her: Nice to meet you
Me [on meth]:
I HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD THE SITUATION