I’m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank

You Might Also Like


Vin Diesel’s real first name is Vehicle Identification Number.


[Kool-Aid Man breaks thru wall]
Oh ya!
[breaks 2nd wall]
Oh ya!
[3rd wall]
[breaks 4th wall]
I’ve had many, many concussions


she wears short skirts
i do tax fraud
she’s cheer captain and
i’m in jail for tax fraud


My sexual fantasy is that I’m a pizza boy, and I deliver pizza to sorority girls and they can’t pay for it, so my boss lets me take all that pizza home for free


At the gym I go to there is a dumpy soft bodied dude who sits on the floor while his mega hot Instagram model gym girlfriend works out. They smile & talk to eachother but he never works out he just chills alone playing on his phone

Anyway he’s the most alpha dude at the gym 100%


The egg whites carton in my fridge looked like the creamer carton and now I have omelette coffee.


I don’t care what bathroom you identify with. If you look under the stall you’re going to need a dentist.