I’m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
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Vin Diesel’s real first name is Vehicle Identification Number.
[Kool-Aid Man breaks thru wall]
[breaks 2nd wall]
[breaks 4th wall]
I’ve had many, many concussions
she wears short skirts
i do tax fraud
she’s cheer captain and
i’m in jail for tax fraud
Tried a new approach oan the auld tinder
My sexual fantasy is that I’m a pizza boy, and I deliver pizza to sorority girls and they can’t pay for it, so my boss lets me take all that pizza home for free
At the gym I go to there is a dumpy soft bodied dude who sits on the floor while his mega hot Instagram model gym girlfriend works out. They smile & talk to eachother but he never works out he just chills alone playing on his phone
Anyway he’s the most alpha dude at the gym 100%
The egg whites carton in my fridge looked like the creamer carton and now I have omelette coffee.
I have like 17 hours to kill I think I’ll listen to one Pink Floyd song
I don’t care what bathroom you identify with. If you look under the stall you’re going to need a dentist.