I was out of tanning oil once, so I used PAM® Cooking Spray. The tan didn’t stick.
I’m at a second grade music recital and this is by far the most effective form of birth control I’ve ever tried.
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i hope the maker of this enjoys jail because i’m calling the police
What a website
That’s one healthy flower bed you’ve got blooming in your backyard. How many bodies do you have buried there?
-My attempts at small talk.
Who called them police dispatchers and not coperators?
Uber is going to choose a new CEO in 4 minutes. Now 5 minutes. Shit now it’s 11 minutes away, why is it going in the opposite direction
AUDIOBOOK ENGINEER: Out loud.
I believe in workplace drug testing.
That’s why I slipped Ambien and Ex-Lax into my boss’ coffee.
Let’s test which one works faster.
Canada has crack?
My husband and I get along better since realizing how much our yelling upsets the dog.