Come on Canada, first Celine, then Nickelback, NOW Bieber!? Are you TRYING to provoke a war?
I’m at my most Disney Princess when I fight with my stepfamily before drunkenly losing my shoe at a party.
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*sees Arnold Schwarzenegger working at Walmart*
“hey Arnold, kitchen appliances are toward the back of aisle B right?”
“YES. AISLE B, BACK”
Waitress at Olive Garden tells me to say “when” and starts grating cheese on my salad
I say nothing
Room fills with Parmesan
No one survives
cats are so dumb how do u only learn how to say one word ur entire life
[walking in on boyfriend]
me: oh god
him: it’s not what it looks like!
me: how could you do this to me?!
him: i’m so sorry you had to find out this way
me: *falling to my knees* my leftoverssss
Secretly Canadians love it when people mistake them for Amer-
*is decapitated by a hockey stick*
A frittata is just an omelette that studied abroad for a year in college.
Of course I care about the environment. I spray air freshener every time I leave the restroom don’t I?
“Goodbye, cruel world.” I say while taking one too many Flinstone vitamins
Went off roading with my prius but ended up getting stuck on a bonsai tree in neighbor’s front yard