I’m at my most Disney Princess when I fight with my stepfamily before drunkenly losing my shoe at a party.
You Might Also Like
“caramelized” is just a word chefs use if they burn things
caramelized todd from HR who tried to diss me
People who say laughter is the best medicine have clearly never tried curing diarrhea with a tickle fight.
Was just in an elevator with my ex, so I stopped at every floor to show him he was wrong on so many levels.
Amazon Review: A History of Criminals
Not a bad book. Prose and cons.
turns out Xenophobia is not ‘A fear of Warrior Princesses’
Me: What are you up to?
Her: I’m making Chinese.
Me: Cloning’s unethical. Hahaha just kidding. Make me a math tutor.
Dogs: OMG YOU’RE HOME! I LOVE YOU!!!
Cats: greetings human. as you may have noticed, my food bowl is empty…fill it..I’ll be on the couch.
Always hide you prescription bottles from your medicine cabinet so ppl don’t know how crazy you are. Also, you’re now out of xanax.
[Man on Ledge]
Man: *shouting* I’m going to jump!
Me: *grabbing megaphone* DON’T LAND ON THE TACO TRUCK, I’VE ALREADY PAID FOR MY ORDER!