@pinupteacher: I'm at my most pacman when I try and get to the snack table at a party without interacting with a single person.
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@anthonyjeselnik: I believe that every single child, regardless of nationality or citizenship, should be forcibly removed from this country.
@dave_cactus: WAITER: Your meal comes with three sides. ME (imagining a delicious triangle): Excellent.
@MommaUnfiltered: I’m so sick of answering questions about the age difference between my kids, so I’ve started telling people the oldest one came with the house.