@GoldenSpirals: I'm at my sexiest when I try to run in flip flops in the rain.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@CulturedRuffian: For Lent I've decided to give up my New Year's Resolutions, now pass the Girl Scout Cookies.
@sofarrsogud: ME: [looking at last piece of cake] I can’t. I’ve had 4 slices already. MY MOM: [mortal kombat voice] FINISH IT!!
@Jmboyd58: When I die I want to be cremated and my ashes spread all over my bedroom...so my wife can clean up after me one more time.