@AmericanGent69: I'm at the point in life where if a girl dresses up in a french maid outfit I'd be more happy if she actually just cleaned my house for me..
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@jamdugg: “You should marry your best friend” is good advice, but I think my best friend’s wife would be pretty upset
@NewDadNotes: Wife: i’m concerned our toddler is obsessed with comic books. Me: what makes you say that? Daughter: [to our cat] what is your origin story? Wife: see what I me- Me: shhh I wanna hear our cats origin story.
@NotthatAdamWest: If you hold the door open for me when I'm more than ten feet away, you aren't doing me a favor. You're making me exercise.