I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex.
Now it’s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
i’m awake! please respect my privacy during this very difficult time
You Might Also Like
*Drops French fry in the crevice of car seat*
Join your brothers and sisters sweet child
FBI: “Report anything that seems suspicious”
Citizens: “Jet fuel can’t melt steel beams”
FBI: “K like not anything anything”
Buddha: all life is suffering
Me: alright dude, chill out. they said your food would be out in ten minutes
Apparently the owners of Aldi and Lidl were really brothers. Presumably Aldi was the alder one and Lidl the Lidl one.
I’d only marry someone if they seemed like they’d be pretty easygoing during our divorce.
No one takes their job more seriously than the guy that glues down the start of the toilet paper roll.
PARENT: They grow up so fast. Which one is yours?
ME: *smiling proudly* The cat over there biting that blonde kid
Guarantees in life
2. A waitress will ask how everything is while your mouth is full but never be around when you need a refill
I don’t trust anyone with a beard, especially a woman